mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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