I am in a vortex of obligation.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
