Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
