last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
