I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
