he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
