i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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