Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
