Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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