I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
