Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Randomize
