You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
