wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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