Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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