She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
