I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
