There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
