I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
