M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We're too hungover to prance.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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