apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
