yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
