I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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