I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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