People in love make me want to vomit
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
