that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
