Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
