She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
