Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i love accidental penises.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
