come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
ugly people sure do ruin things
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
