i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
