You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
