I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
