there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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