yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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