I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
