So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
