Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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