What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
