you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
