I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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