This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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