I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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