You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
