Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's blow job season.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
