So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
