hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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