fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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