it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
