i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
