Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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